Why Showing Up Matters
Have you ever felt really heard by someone you were speaking with? That person showed up for you. Why do we want to show up for people fully in our lives, as our best selves? Because we made a sacred commitment at some point to another person.📝
Maybe we don’t remember the agreement - it happened when we took a job, we got married, we had a child, or we came into this world as a son or daughter. When we show up as our best selves, we honor that commitment and inhabit our chosen role at that time to the best of our ability. Whatever that role is - father, mother, partner, friend, or lover. When we treat these agreements or relationships as sacred, we realize how important each one is.
What does it mean to show up as our best self? We are physically and mentally able to be fully present for the other person/people without distraction. I know what you’re thinking: that’s easy to say John, but there is so much outside of my control I can’t possibly commit to such a high and mighty standard!😉This is a practice which takes time and cultivation, during which we can only do our best at any point in time. It’s true, sometimes life is outside our control, and we need to cut ourselves slack and experience grace. That is ok too.
In most cases we can prepare to show up fully, whether with a spouse or for a work meeting. The best way to mentally prepare is to become present, getting into a state of calm, releasing all other concerns so you can be focused on the person or people in front of you. Mindfulness and breathing are one way to become present, and practice being present. Solo physical activity without input from your device also can prepare us. I once heard someone in an interview say that he prepared for the interview by taking a swim in the ocean.
The opposite of showing up is disconnecting. As a young parent, I was challenged at times, unaware of how to best help our daughters. During one family therapy session, the wise therapist gave an example and counseled thinking twice about having that second glass of wine (choose your form of disconnect here). As you can tell, that stuck with me. She was right, after a second glass of wine (or beer) I could not be at my best as a parent supporting my children. When we are impaired or disconnected, we are unable to support others with clarity.
People escape from reality by using disconnectors like alcohol, drugs, social media, food and television. When we disconnect and numb, we are affected physically and mentally. We are impaired. If we overindulge we are not able to show up fully for our coworkers, families and partners. These disconnections directly interfere with our connection to Source – do you feel that? It is your personal decision to determine what is impairment, how much is too much for you.🤔
When we disconnect through numbing, it can be a downward spiral. For me, this happened in my marriage as I tried to escape life pressures. As I indulged in my favorite disconnectors - food, television, and alcohol - the distance between my wife and I increased. Now I don’t have a second beer because I want to show up for her.
Disconnection happens where we spend most of our day - in the workplace. Our work culture demands we maximize productivity, which does not include time for personal connections. For many years in my work career, I was not showing up for the people I worked with. I talked to them for the purpose of gaining something, some information, some commitment for them to do something for me. I was always focused on getting to the next task. How many opportunities I lost to get to know someone better! Does this happen to you? What happens when we ask a personal question, and truly listen to the response?
Listening and showing up for others takes effort and can be exhausting. We need to balance showing up by taking time for ourselves. We naturally have a desire to escape the pressures of our human lives. While this could mean a Netflix binge and some drinks, alternatively I recommend trying an activity in which you can be present. Consider how you feel after doing something creative, like gardening, writing, or drawing. Or how you feel going for a walk in nature without a podcast or other input. I have taken up woodworking for the past year, and I treasure the time.
I have found that morning meditation sets my balance by giving myself quiet time in the beginning of the day. When we have balance during the day, and in our lives, other people feel and appreciate our presence and attention. Give your balance practice a try, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results! You can feel good about doing the best you can to honor your commitments to others. When we do our best, what more can be asked for?💕